emotionally draining days
i have ever lived through.
Today we buried
my brother's dog Mickey.
When i say we buried him,
i mean my brother and i
drove out to the woods
and dug a hole
to put him in;
and when i say
my brothers dog,
i mean his best friend,
the one being that has been
of his adult life
and the single thing
that has kept him alive
and on this earth.
Mickey did not die of old age,
my brother put him down.
he took Mickey to the vet
and the doctor gave him a shot
and he went to sleep.
My brother took the lifeless body,
the once incredibly strong dobie/boxer mix
that had put the fear of the creator
into even the toughest pit-bull,
and carried him lifeless and broken
to his truck and drove straight north to Santa Cruz.
has been breaking down in waves ever since,
as have I.
There is a long back-story to why,
but my brother is broke,
and without his wing-man.
I can not even express
the grief i am feeling,
so I can't begin to imagine
how my brother must feel.
I am disappointed with my family
for not being there for him,
i am disappointed with myself
for not being able to do more,
but most of all,
my heart is broken for my brother,
who is now in this world alone again.
I have never heard anyone cry out
in such pain
as when we put Mickey into the ground.
A part of my brother has died with that sweet boy,
and we will miss him forever.
I write this entry angry, and disillusioned.
I am tired of always losing.
I am tired of never being able to make things truly ok.
I am dying inside listening to my brother
cry in the other room,
and seeing nothing but blackness
in a suffocating sea.
Today has been a truly horrible day.